Anchorman It can all go away so quickly

Brian WilliamsIf YOU are ever elevated to become Network News Anchorman (or woman), then huge congratulations! All of a sudden, you will earn (or rather “rake in”) a cool ten million dollars a year.

Welcome to the 1%.

The lavish pay won’t be because the network needs a virtuoso of journalism. No, it’s because they need a face, a focal point, an anchor man. You will be a Brand Spokesman (or woman). You’ll be like Wilfred Brimley, the face of Quaker Oats. Or Bill Cosby fronting for Jell-O Pudding. Your role will be exactly like that, but instead of oats and pudding, you will represent your network’s supposedly-special brand of news, which you will endorse, with your Anchorman face.

So remain slim. No visible piercings or tattoos. Do not get your nose broken or your face punched. Stay out of fights. Actually, take really good care of your face in every way. Salon facials would be a good idea, but don’t let it be known. Remember, your face, plus a nightly jolt of familiarity, will be your ticket to the good life. You will go to the best restaurants and hang out with the most famous people in the world’s most exciting city. Don’t screw it up. And don’t do anything embarrassing. Remember, 10 million a year. It can all go away so quickly.